deja vu

I know I allude to Big Changes Afoot in my life this summer, and I am not kidding. Let’s make a (partial) list of the mostly happy events, shall we?

  1. Graduated from master’s program. Booya!
  2. Finished intense consulting gig amidst graduation and ongoing work. Yes, I owe some “hi how are you?” emails.
  3. Completed student job. Shot into ether known as “unemployment”.
  4. Moved from NJ to Queens.
  5. Searching for Ginsberg’s next house for us to move again, oh, August 1.
  6. Career plans/long-term employment search underway, in earnest, but I did push pause during July for the…
  7. Short-term, “survival” employment search. Hello, tri-state area! You’ve probably heard from me recently. Yes, you can still hire me part-time. Ginsberg’s catnip is not going to pay for itself!
  8. [Happy stressors, personal life]. Which make 1-7 as enjoyable as possible and life overall a lighter and happier thing. Still, adjustments abound!

Go big or go home, amirite??

I’ve been through similar transitory summers and feeling as though everyone else is on some fabulous vacation while I’m…not. It’s why I felt that this summer was going to be a blip, and I was not going to actually experience it in a restorative or enjoyable sense. No, this was destined to be another of the lean hot stretches during which I could only imagine the fall and relief in the form of cool nights and a more stable (or “known”) routine.

I do try to stay in the present when I can, but sometimes I need to perk up. Part of my daydreams involve incorporating a more relaxed and confident mindset as the “new” normal. I imagine waking up and knowing just where I am, after Ginsberg and I sleep easily through the night with familiar and comforting background noises. I can take the longer mornings I’ve discovered I enjoy–with time for exercise, organizing, and a more gentle start to the day–then going into work where I am engaged, challenged, and able to contribute valuably to my team. I imagine rushing to get to a yoga class and then home, where I can write a little if I like. I see a bright, warm, living space where I welcome friends and cook, and we relax by doing not much of anything. Or going out to eat and walking home at leisure. Most of these events are precluded just by being in grad school, so you see where #1 alone is a boon!

Fall. I know for others living in the moment and continuing to enjoy a fantastic summer is ongoing, as it should be, but some days, I hope the universe forgives me for needing to daydream about a not-too-distant future instead.

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One thought on “deja vu

  1. I hear you about the vacay… Rob and I were *supposed* to go to FL for our anniversary, and that got shot to hell by my mom’s whole eye thing. So we didn’t do anything this year… boo. Consolation prize: road trip to VT to take my aunt to visit a sorority sister (saved by a side trip to visit cousins). Maybe the Old Ladies can all go somewhere together next year? (I vote for NY!)

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